Thursday, September 4, 2008

The Joys of HomeOH!ning Volume 2: Nature is taking advantage of my good nature.

The Bible tells of ten plagues... I present to you 5 more—of course, these only affect ME.

1. Squirrels dig up my lawn on a daily basis leaving my yard looking like the aftermath of a polo match.
2. Small mammals have decided that my garage roof is the perfect place to up and die—leaving their sun-dried little carcasses for me to find.
3. When not tearing into my garbage each night—casting dirty diapers and litter box feces across the driveway—a local family of raccoons utilizes my gutters as a latrine.
4. The neighborhood cats do likewise with the pine needles atop my shed.
5. Oh, and cave crickets have infested my garage and basement. For a pic of a cave cricket go to this link (they are gross and I've no wish to put a picture up):

(Click the pics for some Jimperfect views)

One day a few months back, I came home to find a dead cat decomposing in my back yard not 10 feet away from my son's sandbox. Lying in the ivy, stiff as a board, with maggots writhing inside its eye sockets and maw, the uninvited cadaver clashed terribly with my landscaping and provided a less than desirable additon to my son's play area. With the stench of death quashing my—up-til-then—ravenous appetite, I stood fixated on the once cute kitty and pondered what to do next.

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